If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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