im drinking this country out of the recession.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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