I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
