So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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