shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
