so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
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