i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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