I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
