he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
