Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
