I wannas sexs uuuuu
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
