I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
