He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
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