I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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