She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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