So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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