Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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