I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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