Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
