As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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