Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
