I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
