i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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