Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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