he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
