Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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