I have demons in me.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
