I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I am midnight drunk by noon
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
