Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
You smell like stripper and shame
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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