Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
