It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Drunk is not a location!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
