Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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