I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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