I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
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