On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
