I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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