capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
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