lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
