Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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