does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
