How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
