i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
