There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
