I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
