What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
