Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
