I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
