I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
