Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
