I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
