im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
