Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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