I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
