I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
